Can't sleep

I hate it when I wake up so freaking tired but can't go to sleep because my mind is racing thinking of all the things that one would say if they really had the balls to do so. Which I know is weird coming from me, I person who rarely shuts up. But I'm also the person that thinks of everyone else first and then I think of me. So for that reason I don't say any thing for just fear of hurting people's feelings or just not saying what I want to say correctly and making myself sound like an idiot. So I write this because no one reads it and it at least lets me get it all out and said.

Now I drive 1100 miles home for the summer to see my family and friends but in reality I don't really see either. In my head before I come home it seems like a good idea. But now that I'm here I have to continue to drive to them if I want face time. I just find this to be very sad. I want so badly for people to just give a shit once in a while and see what kind of assholes they are being. I understand not having money, cause believe me I'm not rolling in it. I got 2 jobs this summer to pay for a wedding and all I'm actually paying for is bills. It never stops. So I'll be paying for my wedding using loans and continuing paying on it for years to come.

And people don't have the means to go out of their way to see me......